your fullest expression
This picture captures the feeling of “your fullest expression” for me. Though it is not always beautiful like this it is beautiful because of its whole-heartedness.
I still remember the first time I heard it. Well, at least the first time, I listened to the words and understood how they needed to apply to my life.
My yoga mat in the position it was when I heard the phrase “your fullest expression”.
The truth hit hard. I think that is what helped it quickly flow into my heart as well. I love how powerful truths have a way of marking us. Some words and phrases can enter our minds and leave us just as quickly. But then there are other times when we can remember where we were, the light bulb that went on, and how much we needed that truth. We do not want to forget it.
The truth has passed beyond our ears, into our minds, and embedded into our hearts.
Do you know the type of experience? The first time you hear something, you realize you will repeat it. It is too good to keep quiet.
That knowledge that this is the first time you have thought about it, but it certainly will not be the last.
For me, one of these times happened during yoga.
The instructor, who is also a friend, had just said the position we would do next. The precise term for the pose is natarajasana, but in the U.S., the pose is also known as “Lord of the Dance Pose” and more commonly referred to as “dancer pose”. She said: “Next, we will move into dancer pose.”
I consciously and subconsciously groaned as I heard her words and thought of the position. I didn’t automatically think, “I'm going to nail this.” I never have. I may never. I thought about the way I struggled with that pose. It is one that even on a “good balance day,” I will have to work hard to stay upright and not fall over. The shaking. The risk of falling, of failing. My desire related to this pose is very different than my reality.
Here is the pose:
Pictured: A yogi holding a beautiful dancer pose. An expert like this can make it look effortless, but it requires much more effort than meets the eye.
I always want my lifted leg to “go higher.” I want my abdomen and legs to be stronger than they are so my pose can feel and be “effortless .”Truthfully, I desire to look like a seasoned dancer who has put in the hard work necessary to master the pose… without putting in the hard work. But I am not a seasoned dancer and have not put in that hard work.
But what she said next, right after my automatic “ugh” response, was the perfect opportunity to experience the truth I needed.
I needed it to sink deep into me. It was a day when I decided to go to the gym and move my body despite how I felt. Afterward, I went home with a phrase that would echo in my mind and translate well across the areas of my life.
She said,
“Next, we will move into dancer pose, and I want you to do your fullest expression for today.”
Her words felt like a cool drink on a hot summer day.
These words felt like a beautiful invitation to try and bask in the trying and curiosity of seeing what happens.
This was an invitation to stop striving and shift to the wonder of simply doing my best with what I have at that moment. To see what I am doing instead of what I cannot do.
That is what she was encouraging us to do.
She guided us to move slowly into the position, and again, her words echoed in my mind:
“Just do your fullest expression for today.”
In that short phrase, she reminded me that this day was different from the last time and distinctly different from the next time.
I was reminded, again, of another yoga truth that has guided me and also helped me challenge the urge to compare:
“My practice is on my mat.”
We all bring different needs and limitations to our mats, lives, and relationships.
This context and all the factors that impact us are changing. Some are temporary, while others are fixed and will be a challenge we may constantly navigate through life. Nevertheless, I can savor my “fullest expression”.
I remember moving slowly into the dancer pose that day. There was no effortless perfection. But being in my body and simply trying my best felt great.
I made a mental note about how it felt, and it fueled my curiosity about what could happen next if I remained focused on my “fullest expression” instead of comparing myself to others beside me or any other “ideal.”
When I savor my “fullest expression” and see others in their “fullest expression,” it shifts the environment.
As I reflect on that experience, I believe the phrase “fullest expression” meant so much because I was working on my Ph.D. daily, doing something new that reminded me I was a “wobbly novice.” In unique ways, I was learning that I did not have control over many things. This phrase gave me the language to encourage myself. And by setting my intention to embrace my “fullest expression” even when my legs were shaking and my mind was doubting, I could stay present, curious, and encouraged in the struggle.
I am thankful for that friend/yogi and how she gave me the beautiful permission to savor the process of becoming instead of only focusing on what I thought the goal was – a perfectly executed pose. In retrospect, this sounds a bit silly. In the whole scheme of things, how important is a perfect dancer pose or the other things we strive to be, do, or have each day? But our ability to be our most whole selves is of utmost importance for ourselves and others.
What “fullest expression” is and is not.
Since that day, I have thought about what my fullest expression means and does not mean.
It does not mean:
Hiding so life is “easier” or “less complicated.”
Striving to be enough by other people's standards
It does mean:
Going all in with what we do have. As my son says, it means going all in and “not leaving any ‘gas in the tank.’” It means entirely investing in the things that matter when they matter and not letting the fear of failure be an excuse to hold us back.
Savoring the beautiful reward we get for pursuing the “fullest expression” of ourselves. The reward is getting to meet our whole selves. We know ourselves fully and are known to others for our entire selves.
When we live from a place of “fullest expression,” it is there that we live fully alive. It is where we can experience our influence and impact without fear.
Our “fullest expression” can differ from moment to moment, day to day, and season to season.
As in yoga, how we show up on our mat and life changes. Our bandwidth changes. Sometimes, life feels shaky, uncertain, and hard. Other times, we can realize we are in a beautiful new and life-giving flow that results from putting in lots of shaky, sweat-yielding, but most importantly, muscle- and balance-producing strength.
What I hope you hear today is what I listened to that day in class:
the wholehearted invitation to be gentle with myself and challenge myself beyond what feels comfortable. To get to my fullest expression, I must be okay with being uncomfortable. I know when I have given my entire self in yoga class, a work meeting, or a relationship. I know when I didn’t “leave any gas in the tank.” All of these are great reminders to be the “fullest expression of me.” I must challenge my fear of being too much, the urge to be cautious, or the false belief that I must wait for permission. We are them. We are who we have been waiting for to permit us.
When I see someone living out their fullest expression of themselves, even when it doesn't look like mine, maybe particularly when it doesn't, I can not help but notice and celebrate them. This connection then, in turn, fuels both of us.
So my question to you is the same one I try to ask myself daily:
are you living your fullest expression today? And how can you prepare yourself to live your fullest expression tomorrow?
What is that thing you think about that makes you lose track of time? You know, the things you wonder about… and dream about when things get quiet. What is that work you feel passionate about? What work would you do, or you are doing for free?
What topic makes you light up when you talk about it?
You know, because you can feel it. And, when you talk about it, that person across from you can feel and see it, too. That. That is when you and those near are experiencing your “fullest expression.”
No moments wasted wondering
what do they think?
do they care?
does this matter?
It is flowing, and so are you. Let’s do more of that.
Our surroundings change, and what we can see at the moment can vary, but that intention of living our our fullest expression is where we meet ourselves and begin to believe in the best parts of us more fully. This most authentic version of us is what our world needs to see. This world needs to witness
So, how do you answer this today?
Are you living your fullest expression today?
and
How can you prepare yourself to live your fullest expression tomorrow?
You can share in the comments below. I look forward to hearing from you.
