Mastering Quietness
For the last year, I have craved quietness in a way I have not before.
Just looking at this picture, I can hear the familiar hum of the Ferry between Hatteras Island and Ocracoke on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I can feel the wind on my face and I can taste the salt in the air. Each day I have the opportunity to slow down and savor every moment but some places it just seems easier. This is one of those places for me.
Hatteras Village, North Carolina is also one of my favorite places to find quiet and enjoy a sunset.
What is Quietness?
The Oxford Dictionary defines quietness as the absence of noise or bustle and the presence of calm. When it comes to quietness, most of us will readily agree that it is important. Where this agreement usually ends, however, is on the follow-up questions of when and how. Some people are convinced that quietness happens when we finish our work and when it is time to rest (including past me!). However, I am learning that quiet is essential, especially during our busiest seasons. Quiet is crucial for our daily rhythms and doing our most important work.
These are the ways I have been coaching myself, so I am sharing them in the hopes that you may resonate with these principles, too.
I am working on research and other writing projects that thrill and terrify me in equal parts. Some days, these projects make me rush out of bed because I am eager to resume, and other mornings, I really would prefer to pull the covers over my head.
It has become common in our American culture today to dismiss quietness. Most people think of quietness as not being busy, but I am learning that I need to get quiet, particularly on my busiest days. I need quiet like I need oxygen. I can pretend I don't, but it will not end any better if I keep holding my breath.
I need quiet like I need oxygen.
But I need help to get quiet, turn off my access to the outside world's noise, and focus on what I need to think about and do!
Like all good things, being quiet and mastering quietness takes practice.
This view at Biltmore Estate, Asheville, North Carolina, is breathtaking. This place has helped me get quiet and rest this year as well. My heart is broken for the devastation this area, Asheville, and Western North Carolina has experienced due to Hurricane Helene.
What does it mean to Practice being Quiet?
Though I have been intentionally practicing quietness, particularly for the last year, I am still really struggling with this practice. But I am pleased to say that my quiet practice is still improving, though it is wobbly. Practicing being "quiet", I have been quieting my schedule and my mind—two activities that do not come naturally to me. I do not think this comes naturally to any of us.
If you have been following me on social media, you may have noticed that I have been quiet there across platforms, particularly for the last six months. For the previous year, professionally, writing grants, leading teams, developing and giving presentations, and traveling have left me feeling both exhilarated and depleted. The dichotomy of both has been more evident than ever. It is hard to strike this balance. And the thought that I have previously clung to - that the further I get in my career, the easier it will be for me to say no and find balance - I now know is not valid. Instead, the further I have gotten, the higher the stakes and the potential for positive impact, fueling my desire to keep pushing. The saying "We have come too far only to come this far" echoes in my mind. However, building in quiet rhythms is even more critical in navigating these days.
The louder everything is around me, the more critical I now know it is to get quiet. And when that sneaky thought sneaks in, "I'll take some time to rest when I finish X," I know I am already overdue for more rest and quiet. I need that rest each day.
But Why Practice Being Quiet?
Reflecting on why my soul craves and desperately needs quiet, I have realized these are my top reasons.
I need to get quiet:
To not be distracted and miss the opportunity to do the more profound work that is my "best yes" (check out Lysa Terkeurst’s book if you don’t know what I am referring to. It is rare that a day goes by, and I don’t ask myself what is my best yes. This was a transformative book for me.)
To not miss what is happening right now
To see the beauty all around me
To be the most creative version of me
To find deep rest
To hear God (yes, my lived experience has reinforced what 1 Kings 19:12-13 shares that God speaks in a still, quiet voice) and gain a broader, divine perspective.
To hear me.
I will soon be back on social media, blogging more regularly and sharing about these projects I am passionate about. However, I have reduced social media, news, and other input that can introduce unnecessary noise and distractions. Thinking about turning off social media gave me more bandwidth. It is one less thing clamoring for my attention or being a part of the numbing activities I do brainlessly, and it causes valuable time to pass quickly. I knew quieting this outside input was a worthwhile next step.
What about you?
I want to be fully present in my life, which means, for now, being less digitally present, getting quiet, and learning how to rest.
What is the best way for you
to be quiet?
to find proper rest?
What is your life's equivalent of the comma in a sentence that signals it is time to take a breath or the period that signals the ending of one thought and shows another is coming?
When do you most need it? Not surprisingly, I have blogged about quiet before in August 2023. You can read more here. There is something about this time of year. We are at the halfway mark, and a lot has happened in the last six months. With many more things on the horizon for the fall, it is an ideal time to reevaluate what we are doing to honor our need for quietness and rest.
We can be quiet even as we are doing things, by doing one thing at a time and practicing doing it mindfully. But there are times, to really quiet our body, minds, and spirit we have to truly rest.
I have spent some time thinking about what REST does for me. Here is a quick acronym that helps me remember what REST does for me. Rest helps me remember, remain eager, savor, and be thankful.
R - Remember. I must remember that I am human and need rest. Being human and needing rest is not a weakness. And it is self-compassionate to rest.
E — Eager. Remain Eager. I remain eager to see the creativity that emerges when I slow down. Though the fear that I will be less productive nips at the edge of my mind, I remind myself that I have consistently witnessed more productivity when I rest, and there is tons of science to support this.
S — Savor. I savor the slowness and the new insights it gives.
T — Thankful. Be thankful. I am thankful for the thoughts that emerge when the outside world is no longer clamoring for my unfiltered attention. I am the filter, and there is no shortcut to this. I can not outsource this.
Dear friend, we need moments protected for quietness and rest every day, and the busier the season is, the more time we need to set aside for it.
If you think it is not easy, I cannot agree more! It is not easy, but living authentically and effectively never is. No doubt, you have lots of people and things distracting you. And you may think you can't get quiet or rest yet, but the opposite is true. May we have the courage to challenge the status quo. As we practice this, we show others a better, more sustainable way.
What have you learned about rest? Please share your hacks for resting and recharging in the comments below or on social media. Yes, I might not see them immediately (digital detox continues!), but I will; in the meantime, others will.
Thank you for all the ways you are working to make your life one of intention and hope. It is contagious, and we need more of that.
