Tractor Perspective

If you are surprised to see pictures and a blog post focused on me and a tractor… you are not alone!!! Trust me. 

I doubt anyone will be as surprised as I was when I first climbed onto this Kuboto tractor in 2020. 

Yet, and maybe because of this unexpectedness, the time I have spent on this tractor and the cumulative experiences have given me a new perspective…

A new appreciation for a slower rhythm and doing this one thing mindfully. 

For the reasons I will share, I believe tractors have a unique way of beckoning, even demanding, that we give our full focus. But to me this does not seem like a burden but rather a delight. 

I have also gained new appreciation for why farmers (and my loved ones) have loved their tractors. Just look at these smiles.

Photo Descriptions: My grandpa Will O. Ward on his trusty blue Ford tractor. This was a familiar view of my childhood. He loved to farm and he loved his tractors. Given I grew up across the road from him and my grandma, I did get to see him enjoying working on the farm. I can still remember the sound of this tractor and how relaxed my grandpa looked on it. I get it now in a new way.

Photo Description: My dad Dr. Phillip Scotton on his 30th birthday with my brother William Scotton sitting on another blue Ford tractor. I think William was also likely feeling the unique joy of sitting on a tractor… of course paired with the excitement of a slice of mom’s homemade cake.

Though I would not have guessed some day I would cherish (and write publicly about it!) time on a tractor…but here we are.

I am glad I did not miss these “tractor lessons” and I’m honored to share them with you. 

They may apply to you more than you might imagine and I hope you will look for more “tractor-like” opportunities to slow down and see what this pace and nature wants to teach.

To keep the lessons true to how they flowed from my pen, I am sharing these lessons largely based on my what I had written November 17, 2021 at 5 am during my morning pages (reminder: morning pages are a type of journaling I do in the am; you can learn more about here).  They are not ranked in any particular order but rather the way they flowed out of my head that day…and this still makes sense to me.

“Last night I spent time on the tractor. I never would have guessed I would run out of the house from an Association of University Centers on Disabilities zoom conference to get on the tractor for the one hour of light that was left in the day. I ran because I did not want to miss a moment. Thankfully I was able to work/ride even longer because of the tractor lights.”

It made me start thinking about all the things I have learned from driving this tractor. Things I have learned that even a PhD didn’t teach me.”

1- Don’t limit yourself to straight lines. 

 Initially I thought I needed to start bush hogging (essentially a tractor form of mowing) on the outside of the field and in a square from outside to in. But I have learned that is not needed and is not necessarily even the most efficient. Today, I focused on the areas I wanted to hit to make a maximal visual impact. I did the road line on the far pasture. Then did a circle from around the brush pile outwards. It looks cool, helped me accomplish my goals not what was “expected”, and it's a fun reminder that I am “the boss of me”. 🙂 This definitely translates to life.

Life is rarely lived in a straight line, I know mine hasn’t and the detours have been the best adventure. 

Photo Description: The first field I mowed. It was not perfect… and there were moments I thought “oh I’m getting it!" followed by “I have zero business doing this”. But I did it and knew it needed to be documented. On some level, I’m sure I was still dumbfounded that I was doing this. Time on the tractor was a unexpected gift during the early days of COVID-19.

2- It is never too late to discover new parts of ourselves.

No one, including the younger me, would have believed at this age I would be on a tractor wearing a camo sweatshirt and ball cap. I have never been the “country” or “farmer” type.

But, the older I get the more I can appreciate the “both and”.

I love both traveling and coming home. I love working in Durham and Chapel Hill and then savoring my home in this small rural town. 

I am glad I didn’t miss these slow moments on this tractor and discover new parts of me. I’m glad I said yes to these moments and didn’t decide I had other more “important” things to do. 

3- Getting out of our heads and fully connected with our bodies make us better people. 

Doing something physical like this makes me a better writer. It does not make me a distracted writer.

It activates the limbic system which is critical for creativity. 

Using a tractor to change the land, gardening, exercise are incredible investments to be able to better do the other things we need and want to do.

4- Beware of the dark.

With the tractor headlights, I can stretch daylight a bit – but I should only do it where it is flat and predictable… and this is still a problem if it is time for me to rest. There is a natural start and end to the day. In the early days of getting my PhD, I felt like I could and sometimes should work all the time. It felt like there was always more work to do and expections (mine and others), and deadlines to meet. So I would just flip on more lamplight and keep working, not listening to the natural rhythm of the day or the cues from my body.

Photo description: One of my favorite parts, sunsets and satisfaction that “I left my mark”. I showed up, did “work”, can see progress and though it may not be done, I know I cared for and showed appreciation for the land.

This is dangerous.

I needed to know rest was coming and I craved a particular rhythm reminding me to shut down my PhD part of my mind and just move to play and rest. 

Imagine you are a farmer in the days of old. When the “workday ends” put the tasks away. You will come back more rested and able to be effective. 

In this way we can “stretch time” getting more done and at better quality than expected – but only if we have fueled our body with the rest and other nutrients it needs.

5-Do things that make you giddy like a kid at recess.

Running to the tractor makes me feel giddy like a kid at recess. Of all the analogies I can think of, this just fits. I guess it reminds me of the way a kid savors - their “all in” grin and no reservations to hold back.We learn hesitation and burden later in life. We must have things like this to look forward to. They are worth the investment. You are worth the investment.

6- Go slow.

The tractor helps me see things from another angle and at a much slower pace. I have now seen essentially every blade of grass, every square inch of my land. 

I have seen flora and fauna I didn’t know were even here. 

I share this land with more creatures  and other types of beauty- rabbits, field mice, deer, insects, butterflies, fireflies, wild flowers – than I even knew. I hadn’t taken the time to really look or spend time admiring them since adulthood until these moments on the tractor. 

But being there with them and going slow enough to really see them, they inspired me. Those moments with them changed me and not just the first time. 

Everytime I see them or any one of them now, I remember my commitment to slow down and see what they have to teach me today. 

Even if their lesson is just to savor, savoring is exactly what I will do. It is important to me to get quiet and go slow so I can see what areas I want to run hard in next.

This “brainless activity” of going at a tractor's pace gives me the space, the bandwidth to reflect on and work smarter in other areas. I don’t want to succeed at all things. I want to succeed at the right things.

Photo description: Moving dirt a little bit at a time. Honoring what was and dreaming of what will be next.

7- Don’t let others tell you what you were “made for”, “groomed for”, “qualified for”… or what is a “waste of your time”.

Only you can know the give and take of an activity, a season, a career. Ensure it gives to you more than it takes from you. And make sure you are giving yourself a “balanced diet” of work and play. Without either we will weaken, lose our power, and forget the best parts of us.

Photo Description: Neither Grandpa Ward nor my dad lived long enough to see me fall in love with “tractoring”; but, it makes me think of them often. I can imagine how they would respond though… the way they would both look at me, hold my gaze, give a slow head shake, followed by a slow smile, and chuckle.

8- Know what is around you, but “really see” (healthy hyperfocus?) what is immediately in front of you. 

There is benefit to being so in the moment that you are focused on exactly where you are and only the next few feet. To focus on looking far ahead and knowing what is all around can be overwhelming. There is so much you have not done yet. Just do the next right thing. With the tractor it means taking one lap at a time and navigating any hurdle the terrain may give you where you are. In life you will see people doing things that you haven’t done and hitting milestones you have not hit yet… and are not even for you yet.

As I remind myself with yoga:

“your practice is on your mat”.

On the tractor its:

“Your safety and your work depends on knowing where your tractor wheels are and where you want them to roll next. Getting your focus correct is crucial and to do that you have to be fully there in the moment every moment.”

I could go on. I will always savor these early days of learning how to drive a tractor. I went from knowing NOTHING about how to operate a tractor to feeling comfortable and thrilled for the next time I could do it again. This time I invested not only changed me but it transformed my land. Brambles that for a long time had seemed insurmountable to me, I was able to remove in just minutes. It blew my mind. But I’ve felt this way before.

It is the process of going from “I have zero knowledge about this” to “that looks kind of fun/meaningful” to “I guess I could give it a try” to “oh wow this is complicated but I am not stopping now because this is exhilarating” to “I’m so glad I didn’t miss this”. 

With this tractor as with life, I have learned more than I expected and gained more than I could have imagined. And as my niece Cadence likes to say “this is so fun and it is not even over yet”. 

This is the invitation of tractors and life. It all requires time and risk; but, both are worth what we gain.

Photo Description: August 2020 me and the tractor I didn’t know I needed.